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World of Warcraft
World of Warcraft, aka WoW, is quite possibly the Greatest Waste of Time EVER! Technically, WoW is a PC video game published by Blizzard Entertainment. But in all truthiness it's D&D on the internets. So now children too lazy to go to their friend's mom's basement can plomp in front of their computers and rot out their brains.Makes a change from High School history lessons. Pros and Cons * Pro: WoW is helping to train the American soldiers of tomorrow.But kids, don't even think about using that Flight Path spell when you're battling the orc hordes in Iraq! * Con: This online game holds even more influence than D&D, spreading the Devil's Game to even more young children, teens, and adults. * Pro: There's more to this game than disgusting cyber-sex. Like killing things, for example.Are you paying attention Lindon Labs? * Con: Blizzard disguised the terrorists and bears too well, so the kids aren't being edumacated properly. * Pro: You have to pay a monthly fee to play it, and that helps to promote capitalism, which in turn hurts America's enemies. * Con: Your monthly fee goes towards American enemies like The Satan and Nancy Pelosi Foundation. *'Pro:' It gives young nerds who aren't very good at anything else a sense of accomplishment and confidence, which will later help them serve against America's enemies. *'Con:' Unfortunately, the many tubes of the Internets that support WoW will be destroyed by the Bear Uprising of 2012, leaving those children with nothing but a gun and the feeling that the last 8 years of their life were somehow wasted. * Pro: Bears are extremely weak and easy to kill * Con: They Respawn Gameplay In the World of Warcraft, you start by selecting a race. There are two different factions to choose from: *The Alliance (dirty liberal pot-smoking hippy scum who have lame names like "Mellow Yellow" and "Dennis Kucinich"; *The Horde (Smelly Bear loving fags who have some gay name like Blooddeath or Bearlover) After choosing a race, you can customize your character to look any way you want. After that you basically "quest"The mythical search for a plot and purpose., kill things and pillage the bodies until you reach the level cap of 80, or until you're a geriatric vegetable, whichever comes first. The Burning Crusade The Ghey Ninja once tried to destroy the world of warcraft by turning himself into a computer virus and going into the game, an army of level 70 alliance players attempted to yank him before being destroyed by his ultimate buttsecks spell, this resulted in mass complaints on the world of warcraft message boards and so an in-game clone of Bruce Lee was created by Satan himself to battle The Ghey Ninja. The battle caused so much destruction that it scared away all of the Alliance Players, the glory was short lived however as the battle between The Ghey Ninja and Bruce Lee 2.0 resulted in a rip in the game opening up Outland; Satans base of operations which he quickly disguised as an 'Expansion Pack' and started charging money for it. The Ghey Ninja bear hunting obligations forced him to flee from the battle with Satans own videogame world but horde players hope he will return to defeat Bruce 2.0 Proven Fact Stephen Colbert occasionally plays World of Warcraft as the orc warrior Ocron (Oh-Kron) as stated in a segment of The Word. He does this to offer the kids some much needed truthiness. Colbertiquette in the World of Warcraft Colbertiquette was a viral video that spread rapidly across the internet by comedian Peter Whatanitch. While an interesting novelty, it is however irrelevant, since real heroes play Stephen Colbert's World of ColbertCraft. Colbert-related Characters On WoW * Valiant human Paladin Stefen Colbear, vanquisher of bears, wrist-ignorance, and factiness * Zombie magician Ric Ocasek * Undead bard Keith Richards * Troll hot-air salesman Al Gore * Devilish leprechaun Dennis Kucinich and his infinite pockets Colbertrepor The first if not only Colbertrepor was created as a Tauren, male warrior in April 2006 in the world of Azeroth on the server Eredar. He is half-man/half-cow but all truthiness. His original name was Colbertreport, but due to recent budget cuts was only allotted 13 characters. Through his youth, although he was strong, he was picked on by the other classes. Over the past year and a half Colbertrepor has gained much experience in the world and has attained level 70 in his quest to Americanize Azeroth. He was accepted into the guild Ardent Blades after proving his worth by defeating dragons and other monsters that threatened the freedom of the citizens or at least seemed threatening. Colbertrepor is known throughout guild and vent chat by his friends as Colber. He is known for his quick and witty comebacks as well as an in depth knowledge and opinion on every subject. These facts are felt deep within his Tauren gut regardless of what Blizzard might have to say. "I don't see race, gender, or class. People tell me that I'm a Tauren, male warrior and I believe them, not because when monsters attack I stand victorious over their corpse, but because the guards call me sir." "Here is a picture of me with my troll, shadow priest friend." The Threatdown *'5' Classes with Pets These include warlocks & hunters, not only do they do an immense ammount of damage on their own but with their pets at their side they are almost unstopable. Not to mention the range of debuff's especially to hunters in patch 2.3 including a reduced healing effect to aimed shot & a buff remover to arcane shot. *'4' Devilsaurs The only creature in existence that is 30 feet tall, walks around on two legs and silently bites off your head while you are eating lunch. They have been spotted in Un'Guro Crater causing numerous deaths and much complaining to the local GM. *'3' Lag and Latency Issues with internet connection causes the world seems to slow down around you when in fact the world continues to move forward in time at a normal pace and you slow down. In many cases of Lag the world will speed up to recover and in the process you will have taken more damage than perceived and will subsequently find yourself looking see through and the world will turn grey as you run back to your corpse *'2' Getting flamed in a forum When a comment is disagreed upon very strongly by someone else, regardless of validity, people may become violent and lash out with words. As the World of Warcraft has mainly a textual form of communication, emotional responses are generally more violent than a verbal confrontation. Getting burned in text is impossible to see coming so be prepared, I for example, carry tears of Stephen Colbert to put out any flames directed towards me. *'1' Bears These Godless killing machines can be found all throughout Azeroth. Hunters think that they can tame these beasts, but they will find themselves to be dead one day because their "pet" bit their faces off. There is even a rumor that in a patch currently being explored, that people can be foolish enough to try to ride bears. Why don't Azerothians simply put cut themselves up and lay them out for the bears to eat them. No, this is a very bad idea that will only prove to cut short the lives of many young individuals. If you were searching for the actual Colbert Report For more Colbert related World of Warcraft Characters, see Formfouroone in honor of Colbert's man seed. Ron Paul invasion Paulites are planning to hold a combined political rally, march and "hash brownie" bake sale in WOW. This should raise Ron Paul's popularity among voters age 12 to 17. It could also attract the would vote but am too lazy and hooked on fantasy to leave the house voters too. If anything, the true Colbericans need to exterminate this threat quickly before they decide to move onto Second Life or dare enter Stephen Colbert's World of ColbertCraft. Fun Facts * WikiNerds LOVE World of Warcraft. * Warcraft is the work of the Devil. * People who liked D&D, also like Warcraft, even though they are now too old and feeble to play video games. * Playing with your Warcraft will cause you to go blind. * People who like World of Warcraft may be hiding magical weapons. Better holster your Taser before you hit downtown. * One man was send to jail for being a n00b. He got pwned *Blizzard knows where you live and who you are, dont mess with us... See Also * Stephen Colbert's World of ColbertCraft External Tubes *Gamers love the new changes *Communism wins once again *game traitors exposed! Footnotes